So I joked with Larry when I was on maternity leave that I wish I could've come back after 8 weeks and used the other 4 weeks later when Cara was learning more (even though I doubt maternity leave works that way). Honestly, as hard as it would've been to leave Cara earlier, it might have been nice to get into that routine earlier. I had plans for almost every day after work this week and it meant I didn't have time to workout and I felt like things were so chaotic because Larry was stuck with Cara and I didn't feel like I got time to play with her (and I'm not used to that). It has been extremely hard, I'm pretty sure I'm starting to get stress hives all over :\
Luckily, we've crossed the hardest hurdle, the first week away. It wasn't a full week, but close enough (hopefully adding one day next week won't be too much more difficult). I'm having the hardest time realizing Larry now has to split his time between work and a baby and so then Cara isn't getting as much attention as she used to and it was a little heart breaking to me. I know this is what we agreed on when we decided to have a baby, but it's much harder than I realized it would be. The thing is I know it's good for Cara because I was playing with her constantly throughout the day and Larry will be good at leaving her to play on her own and she'll learn to be more independent that way. But I still miss our walks through the house, reading to her, and even changing her diapers (apparently when it's your kid it isn't as bad as when it's other's kids haha).
One day I might be able to stay home, maybe I'll just stop worrying about being away from her and feel better as time goes on, either way it'll get better and I'm trying to keep that in mind every day and enjoy at least bringing in money each day :) Until then at least I have pictures like below to keep me going and remind me why I'm working so hard (so she - and any future kids - can have an amazing life!):
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| Her many expressions that keep me smiling Throughout my day |
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