Post Partum Round 2

So I did this post about being post partum 1 week after having Cara...I knew nothing okay? NOTHING!

This time around I'd like to have notes on what has REALLY helped this post partum time period

• Routine, Routine, Routine: So I've heard (and have really experienced first hand) that babies absolutely thrive on routines! My biggest goal with Gwen when I was pregnant was to get her used to bedtime right from the beginning. I'll admit she didn't take to it right away, but by the time she was 6 weeks old she was consistently going down at 8 like we wanted. It took some learning on our parts as to what helped her (and some nights of rocking her to sleep for 30 minutes straight), but I'm so happy that this one has worked for us! I will say we probably messed up a tiny bit on this though, but it's also kind of hard to say. The first couple of weeks were easy because she slept all the time, but once we switched to bottles, getting the bedtime routine down was a bit more difficult. I wish I had spent the first month getting her used to the bedtime routine when she was ready for bed, rather than forcing her to stay awake for hours and then putting her down. Although, in our defense, the only reason she was forced to stay wake for hours (and I really only mean like 2 or 3, not like 6) was because she wouldn't take a nap by a certain time and then when she was tired we had to keep her awake. Those nights of crankiness were SO challenging. I dreaded after dinner time because I knew we'd just be listening to her screaming. I think the first month just has to be a "put them down early or late and then adjust it once they are used to the bedtime routine" time. I know there were a couple nights she wouldn't go down and I'd be so exhausted that Larry would take her down to the office while he played games so I could get a few hours of deep sleep. I am SO thankful for him for those times too. I would've gone crazy had I not had those.
• Feeding: So if you read this post, you know that we've had some breastfeeding issues (with both girls, really), but one thing is I really wish I hadn't beat myself up so much about making sure she was directly breastfed. I wish when I was getting really sad and depressed about it I would've just pumped and given her bottles. It's still technically breast feeding, but it is SO much easier for me. And speaking of pumping, I'm SO glad I pumped early on so that we had a bit of a stash built up so we didn't have to go to formula just because we didn't have enough stored up to begin on bottles. In the future I'd love to still try breastfeeding, but if it ever gets to me too bad I am NOT above switching to bottles, if only to get some help from Larry when putting the baby down!
• Hormones/Emotions (again): So luckily I haven't gotten AS anxious as I did with Cara. I do recognize some anxieties popping up (like if I feel it might mess with her sleeping at night...that REALLY gets to me). But luckily this time I've been able to stop and think "why do I feel anxious right now?" and then I just picture the worst case scenario and how I'd handle it and then I feel better. For example, I've been taking on both girls and making sure they are fed, dressed, changed, getting play time, and nap times regularly on my own (although Gwen does nap in the office with Larry so that she can get used to that environment) and I get nervous Gwen will throw a fit while I'm pumping, and I think what will I do if she does throw a fit? I can't really unhook as easily, but I CAN temporarily pause my pump, unplug it, go help her, and then start my pump again. Although I have learned to just put her in the swing next to me with the binky within reach and then I just bend over to put the binky in so I don't have to actually pause my pumping.
• Diastasis Recti (again): I, of course, I got this. Gwen grew completely straight out forward and I knew early on that I had it. Repairing this completely isn't easy, at least not for me, but I'm still trying to do my little workouts 2-3 times a day so I'm hoping that's enough to get these back together so much more than before.
• Middle of the night feedings/pumping: So I remember this being one of the hardest parts of having a new baby when Cara was born. Being up for 45 minutes every 3 hours took it's toll very hard on me (I don't get hangry, but I do NOT do well being sleep deprived). I remember being at my lowest when I accidentally decided to start feeding her every 2 hours throughout the night rather than 3 hours. I was getting only 15 minutes of sleep every hour and it was pretty much my living hell. I knew with that being my hardest time I needed to make it as easy as I could this time around. Obviously in the beginning when I was breastfeeding it wasn't so bad, we never woke Gwen up so from the beginning we just let her tell us when she was hungry and she consistently woke up around 1 (after her last feeding being around 8/8:30) and then again around 4 ish and then we would be good until the morning feeding around 7:30. It was a nice routine. When we added in a bottle I realized I'd also have to add in a pump session as well (which wasn't my favorite, but my sanity during the day was worth the change). I made the following changes to make feedings/pumpings so much better this time around:
• I picked a show on Hulu that I wanted to watch (one I had already seen a few times and really liked) and made that my show I only watch at night. I watch it when I put Gwen down and I watch it when I get up for her feedings. It's made it so I actually look forward to feedings. Or if she gets up twice a night I wasn't getting up dreading it, I just thought "ooh I get to watch Home Improvement now and it's a good episode" and it made it more tolerable.
• I decided I would only be pumping for 10 minutes this time around. With Cara I was pumping for 30 minutes (because I was crazy) and so I knew I wasn't going to be doing it that long this time. Once Gwen got down to only getting up once or not at all at night I changed my pump at night to 15 minutes just so my supply wouldn't dip, but still not be up for a whole half an hour plus the time to set up, wash the stuff, and store the milk.
• I also decided this time I would read during my night pumping session rather than watch stuff on my phone. I've heard over and over that looking at a screen actually wakes you up rather than helping you sleep and I know whenever I've read in the past it's made me sleepy so I figured that would be the best solution. So far I've read 5 books during my maternity leave, just since Christmas! Granted, sometimes they do get me excited and I don't want to put the books down by the time I'm done pumping, I do remind myself of the sleep I don't want to miss and why it is worth it.
• I put up some post its on my bathroom mirror so when I'm getting the bottle ready I can see these notes to keep me encouraged. One says she'll be cute in a year (but really it's like around 6 months that it got easier with Cara), one said Christmas (because I was really looking forward to that and I love that time of year), and one had an equation about how much of my life would be spent in the "100 days of hell" time frame if I live to be 80 and have 4 kids (our end goal) just to show how much of a blip it really is and how I can get through it just fine.
• Binky/Pacifier/Dummy/Etc.: So I very much struggle with the thought of giving a baby a binky. I hate the idea of doing something because it's easier now, but then making it more difficult for us in the future. I definitely feel it's worth it to struggle in the present if it'll make things much better in the long run (i.e. struggle through putting her down without a binky so that she learns to self sooth quicker and we don't need to wean her from it later and have bad nights all over again). I'm willing to sacrifice the early nights and cranky baby days than have 2 sets of bad nights (newborn ones AND weaning ones). However, Gwen was just so so cranky and grumpy in the beginning and NOTHING but the binky seemed to help most of the time. I gave in just to help me out and then she seemed to become an addict. She couldn't have any awake time without a binky or a bottle. If she didn't have one of those...I mean I've never understood the term ear-piercing screams before until she showed me what that's like. It was HARD (a term for parenting I really try not to use)! Luckily, we were able to kick the binky at night habit really quickly. She gets it when we put her down for naps and then if she wakes up during the night and I know she shouldn't be hungry (for example, she's woken up because one of her hands has broken out of the swaddle and she's trying to find a finger to help her go back to sleep because her hand keeps smacking her face). I feel okay giving her the binky at these times because I know they are temporary. Eventually she won't have naps and she'll be sleeping through the night so I'm okay having the binky help us out in those instances. It's still hard, but I'm confident at this point she has MUCH less binky time than she did in the beginning (we get a lot more smiles when she's awake and a lot of fun "wiggle and giggle" time so she really ONLY gets it at those times now).
• Figuring out Naps and Sleep Times: So one thing that would make me really anxious (with both girls during the newborn phase) was if they wouldn't nap at a certain time and how it would effect their sleep at night. If their first nap of the day was off I'd feel anxious all day long. I've learned, however, that if they wake up early from their last nap and will possibly be awake too long it's worth it to give them a tiny 10-15 minute cat nap before bed and it shouldn't mess with too much. For example, Gwen can only stand to be awake for an hour at a time right now and since we start her bedtime routine around 7:30 we prefer her to nap until 6:30 (usually from 5:30-6:30), but some nights she absolutely refuses to go down at 5:30 so I had learned at 6 to have her nap on my lap for 30 minutes. I'd get a comfy blanket and her binky and just calmly rub her face or arms or something and she'd fall asleep. Sometimes she doesn't sleep till 6:15 or 6:20 and I know I'd rather her sleep till a little after 6:30 and get a decent cat nap in than listen to her scream all night long. Luckily it hasn't effected her being asleep by 8 so far so we've really lucked out!