Lucy is TWO Months

I am TWO months old!

 

I like: mommy's voice (I'll call her stinker when she poops and she smiles, she loves when I make funny sounds like the popping sound when you smack your lips together or when I wag my tongue to make a suction cup popping sound), being held to look out, being nursed and napping on mom, the pink circle on my play mat, the swing (towards the end of the month - earlier she didn't like it at all), mornings

I am now: According to the doctor's numbers Lucy is 10 lbs 11 oz and 22.5 inches long. Compared to the other girls she's just a smidge lighter than they were (Gwen was 11 lbs even and Cara was 11 lbs 3 oz) and she's pretty much just as long as they are. And that's only on breastmilk!! The other girls were on formula by this point so I'm pretty proud of the fact that she's almost the same size as they were at the same point, but with only one bottle a day (and that is breast milk). She's in 0-3 month clothes (but I'm pretty sure she'll be ready for 3 month pretty soon) and in size 1 diapers. She's a growing girlie!

A Typical Day looks like: Unfortunately we don't have a great set routine yet, but basically she gets up (usually in the 6 AM hour - I'm working on stretching that to 7:30 as close as I can) and I feed her, which she'll usually nap while she eats so that tends to extend her sleeping time (ish). I'll then get all the girls up and downstairs. I'll feed everyone breakfast, change diapers, and get Lucy dressed. I tend to only grab clothes for the other girls if it's their weekly picture day, otherwise they just strip down and it's pointless unless we're going somewhere for the day. Lucy usually lasts about an hour before she gets fussy for her nap. I try and finish getting ready before that point (dressed, teeth brushed, hair brushed and up in a pony tail or clip, lotion and deodorant on and I'm good to go - I'm finally getting back into my pre pregnancy clothes, instead of sweats so I'm actually feeling ready for the day). Lucy will nurse/nap on me for about an hour while the older girls watch a show and play with toys (I tend to listen to podcasts or watch YouTube videos). After Lucy wakes up I lay her on a play mat for wiggle and giggle time and go get anything I need done (shower, bathroom, snack, flashcard w/Cara and Gwen, etc.). She'll last about 45 ish minutes and be ready for her next nap (nurse/nap) and it starts over. That goes on and on until the older girls take a nap, then I'll hook Lucy up and put on a movie and she'll nap for 2 hours instead of just 1. Then we go back to our 45 minutes awake/1 hour napping for the rest of the night. Usually I have to give her a mini nap instead of a 1 hour one so that she's for sure napping from 4 to 5 and we can do dinner and then she has her last name around 5:45/6 and naps until 6:45. Bedtime starts at 7:30 (except on Sunday/Thursday - bath nights - when we start at 7:15) with a diaper change, lotion, owlet/pajamas/sleep sac on, a feeding (3 oz bottle or nursing until passing out), and down. She gets up, usually, just once a night (either at 2 or 4 AM, depending on if she got a bottle or nursing session before bed) and then IF she stays down is iffy after that point.

I'm not going to lie, I'm 50/50 on if I like this schedule. I know it isn't permanent and so most days I feel I've set up something bad and she's going to have a really hard time napping when I go back to work . It's also hard knowing I only get "me" time in 45 minute increments throughout the day (talk about rushing to shower/dry my hair!). I hate that my day is more revolved around her than my previous girls. I hate that she has more control over me than I do. I hate that I can't just put her down and go for walks with the girls or take them out back. BUT then I think about how I only get these snuggles for so long, I think about how much I love her cute little face and that I can just sit there and watch her nap. I love how I get to watch so many movies and get so many crossed off my streaming/new to watch lists. I also kind of love how much she loves to be around me (and her wake up face is the absolute cutest). But I do stress out a TON about how things are going to go when I go back to work and if I'm setting her up for bad napping habbits (stressing about this is a HUGE understatement - I'm going to have napping PTSD with the next kid).

This Month:  Breastfeeding has definitely been a learning curve for us. It's like having a new baby all over again and not feeling like a seasoned mom has been tough some days. I hate that I haven't really kept track of how I put the girls down to nap before, because Lucy fights it SO hard. She hates the cradle hold (unless she JUST woke up), she won't lay on my shoulder so I can rock/pat her back (unless she just ate and we're burping her), she prefers to eat every 2 hours, rather than 3 (except at night, she'll sleep pretty decently at night). It's been a struggle and the biggest thing to give me anxiety this time around. We've already talked about with the next baby we're going to give them a binky right from the start, I plan to nurse until my milk comes in and then we're going to either switch to bottles or I'll have Larry feed them bottles more often and I won't be scared to include formula if needed and then I can have Larry do Saturday nights from the beginning AND maybe another night throughout the week (if I need it for my sanity). I might do 50/50 bottles/nursing so they don't only expect to nurse from me (I've only given Lucy like 2 bottles and both cases were stressful for me). I will say it's been nice to be able to comfort her with the boob if she's fussy and it's easy to control naps with nursing, but the hard parts are REALLY hard (I read someone say breastfeeding is harder than being pregnant and labor combined and I couldn't agree more!).

I had my 6 week checkup and got some more (kind of bad) news, my ab split is pretty bad and isn't in the greatest condition if we want more kids (which we would like ONE more....if I can convince myself to do this again haha). So my midwife suggested I go see a physical therapist to help get it back into better shape. She mentioned I will need surgery to repair it completely (which I wasn't surprised about as my hernia is quite large and would already make it impossible for my abs to go completely back together). So I decided I probably shouldn't work out and make my abs worse until I go see the PT to get it repaired. That was hard because I was looking forward to working out again, but it kind of also was a relief since I felt like I NEVER had time to workout so at least now I had an excuse that didn't make me feel like I was lazy and could focus on taking care of 3 kiddos.

Around 7 weeks we decided to get some new, different swaddles to help with sleeping at night, this girlie is just so sensitive to movement it seems like and has a hard time going to sleep at night (it takes a few tries). We tried one referred to the 5 second swaddle and we got a full night's rest! It was a miracle! It didn't last long, the next night she slept until 6 AM and then wouldn't go back down. So we're still figuring night time out.

During the day she naps like a champ...as long as she's in my arms and (for most of the time) on the boob. At least I feel a little productive catching up on my podcasts/YouTube subscriptions and nap time movies. A couple days I've been able to rock her to sleep, but those naps don't last too long (especially since the holds don't seem THAT comfortable and the other girls are just so loud). I also got her to nap in the boppy one day (of course I was kind of trying to wake her up because she had already been napping for 2 hours and it was almost time for the next real feed - meaning not just comfort nursing), which only lasted about 30 minutes - but I actually woke her up at that point so who knows how long it would've lasted. I also put her down in the pack n play napper one Sunday, but had to wake her up after an hour for that one as well, because of Skype, so I wonder how long that would've lasted. I was getting pretty stressed a little about how things are going to go when I go back to work and we switch her to bottles and she can't just comfort nurse for naps (have I made the stressed feeling clear yet?? haha). 

Then things came to a breaking point. Two nights ago she woke up at 3 for her night feed. I changed her, re-swaddled her, and fed her and then she would NOT go back down to bed. She was up every 30 minutes. I realized she just wanted to comfort nurse so I decided to do the side-lay position - that is AWFUL. I couldn't sleep a wink. I rested, but couldn't actually sleep. It was miserable!! Then last night she started doing the same thing and I had told Larry that I was never going to side lay nurse again, I'd just keep putting her down until she went to bed, but after 3 attempts last night I realized because she's resting while nursing she's getting a reset and could potentially do that for too long. I finally caved and grabbed one of the pacifiers in her bassinet that we hadn't tried yet and gave it to her - she immediately took it and fell back asleep. Oh my gosh! It was like the heavens opened up and sang to me! It took me a little bit to get her to keep it in her mouth (as usual), but she finally fell asleep and I got another hour and a half of sleep. Oh it was glorious! I decided I will not fight the binky with future children. I will let them get their sucking comfort and be happy and I'll be sane! I don't know why I was so against it so much this time. 

The only (new and real) unfortunate thing this time is at her 2 month appointment they had me fill out the PPD survey again and they said I'm bordering on it this time (I guess any score over 10 is worrisome to them and I'm right at 10). I told them it was just breastfeeding, it's just SO hard and I KNOW it could be easier if we switched to bottles, but I've been too nervous how I'd put her down for naps if we did that. Now that she's taking the binky I'm feeling so much better and less stressed and I think it'll be better from here on out! 

So now for my last month of leave I plan to work more on her napping independently and (maybe) me putting her down with a bottle so that transition will be smooth and get out of the depression. I look forward to many more months with Lucy and can already tell I'll be emotional when I'm done nursing and won't be around all day long (emotional, but like 10% relieved haha).

This is how I look all day every day these days...

...Except when we go out and I put a hat on

Update on last month's goals:

• Get her used to a routine with bottles: we haven't started bottles yet, I've been trying to make breastfeeding work for as long as possible. I swear every 3 days I'm like "let's switch to bottles", but then I give in to keeping up with nursing. 
• Get more used to how to put her down for a nap and get her on a schedule: Nope...we tried to get her used to being put down for naps at 7 weeks and she still fought it. She would only take short naps in the pack n play. On me she'd nap for an hour, at least, sometimes even 2 hours. 
• Look forward to coos and smile: oh she's VERY smiley when she's awake and has had a good nap and her coos are to DIE for! She almost laughs at me when she's in a REALLY good mood. I absolutely love those times!
• Get her down by 8 every night: we get her to sleep by 8, but since she wakes up a few more times, I don't count her "down down" until she's down for good around 9. Hoping she'll get that figured out quickly. (she has had a couple nights now that she's stayed down, but we'll see if that sticks)
• Get her used to Tummy Time: yeah she HATES tummy time. I try and do it every day for as long as she'll stand it, but I'm lucky if we get to a full minute.
• Get back into working out on a regular schedule (for mom): I unfortunately had to cancel this goal while I'm working with a physical therapist on my abs.
• Start neck workouts (for Lucy): We've done this a couple times. She doesn't love them, but at least it's a good alternative to tummy time - for neck control at least.
• Maybe get her grasping toys: she does GREAT on the play mat grabbing the dangling stars from her elephant. I swear she aims for that toy every time she's on that particular mat.
• Get dad used to putting her down for bed and naps: bed time we can check off. He puts her down with a bottle every other night so I can have a chance to breath and catch up on things without being stuck to the room. Naps...well that's still an iffy one.

Goals for next month:

• Help Lucy find her hands more and take the binky for naps more.
• Get her used to being put down for naps (rather than napping on mom ALL day long)
• Get her more used to bed time and being down by 8
• Get her used to bottles and a little formula (officially since I am returning to work before she's 3 months)
• Work more on tummy time!!