The Most Unexpected Feeling

So I know I've mentioned quite a bit that we're done having kids and how I'm so happy with that, but I have to say I didn't realize HOW happy I would end up. I really thought I'd miss being pregnant. Not, like, the sickness or achy parts, but the movements inside, the way people were so happy to help me when I had a big belly, the excuse I had to not workout or eat whatever I wanted or not have to do too much during the day and I got to be so lazy once the kids went to bed...it was a grand time! I also thought every time I saw a baby and it seemed like the parents were handling it okay I'd get a little baby fever.

That could not be further from how it really is though. I do not have one lick of baby fever. I see a newborn baby and I think "oh boy, those parents are probably going through the ringer right now" or "wow, they are so brave coming out with such a little one!" If I hear a baby cry or a parent trying to shush their baby, I want to offer to hold the baby for them and help them with it, but I don't want any more of My babies haha.

One of the best parts of not having any more babies is my anxiety has completely disappeared! And not just like the newborn anxiety I get. that always goes away. I mean my general anxiety. Now, I'm not one that gets so anxious I need meds. I have actually enjoyed my anxieties, they keep me going and pushing forward. They were little things, like rushing through my day or making sure I had things planned out well enough. Getting stressed if I forgot something or didn't keep to my schedule so now I'm falling behind. Or the mom guilt you get if you feel you didn't spend enough time with your kids or were yelling at them more than laughing with them. However, somewhere along the lines I feel I've gotten to be more patient, more confident and relaxed, more in the moment. 

New birth control put in.
The beginning of the end!

Part of this is from Pierce growing SO fast. He's at such a fun stage and it feels like he's going through them so quickly that I've been able to force myself to slow down and just enjoy the time I'm in. 

• Enjoy having a baby who likes to be by me and held by me and who smiles anytime I give him any sort of attention (and I seriously melt at that smile each and every single time!). 
• Enjoy the 5 year old who wants to be my shadow and do things exactly like me because she wants to be just like me (I KNOW one day that won't be the case and I'll be so mad I didn't just fully soak it in). 
• Enjoy the 4 year old who wants to give me hugs and tell me she loves me while also instantly crying because I didn't realize she wanted water and I didn't hear her ask for it haha. 
• Enjoy the 2 year old who gets naked all the time and wants to get dressed on her own even though she's putting the shirt on upside down and having a meltdown over it, but if we offer any help she yells out "no! I do it!" haha.
• And enjoy the husband who is in it with me every day, who helps me out and gives me breaks anytime I need it. Who wants to help out, even though he may not do it my way, but be glad he's offering to help anyways. Who loves to cuddle with me and rub my back and wants to get me treats when he sees I've worked really hard.

I'm also so much less stressed out, I don't get as angry about things, I'm more patient and easy going. I'm finding ways to teach the kids better and it goes over so much smoother. Sure I have my moments where I've told them a million times to clean up a room and they just aren't doing it. But instead of asking once and then yelling, I gently remind them a few times before I push it. Sometimes it's "okay, they either clean and get their tablets or they don't clean and keep playing and it's just not a tablet day. They can clean before lunch time." I also have more fun with the kids. Like the time we saw cows while we were driving and we started talking about the silly colors that cows aren't (a purple and orange cow? What?! Haha). 

My life is SO great right now. There are SO many things I'm looking forward to next year and I know they'll be great. My old self would constantly be looking forward to those things and wanting to do a mental countdown each day and just be looking at that metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel (that, honestly, never disappeared because I was always just looking forward to the next thing). But I know I'd get there and look back and think I didn't pay attention to this time, I just rushed through it. I refuse to do that anymore. I'll enjoy that future stuff when I get there, but for now, I'm loving these moments I have with my family, while I have them. And I'll look back, hopefully, and realize this was my happiest time and it just got better and better as time went on.