Ramblings of discovery

So I read this magazine article earlier tonight that was supposed to "help you figure out the real 'you'" and it made me realize sometimes I have NO idea who the "real" me is. I don't know if it's just because I'm in my early 20s so I'm just not supposed to know yet or if I just took too long in some developmental stages so I'm just a tad behind...who knows. The thing is I remember being really young and seeing people who were my age now and I always thought they had their act together, I used to think people who were 22/23 were the coolest, they could drive, go out and meet up with friends, drink, vote, pretty much anything. I had a lot of pretty good influences in my life so it was easy to see the person I would have liked to grow up and be, but part of me feels maybe I should have reached that by now, why do I not feel like an adult?
I always thought when I had my first car I'd feel it, although that was a pretty awesome moment it wasn't as big of an "eye opener" as I expected, I didn't suddenly sit in the seat or sign the papers and realize I am now there! Or what about when I moved out on my own, lived with a boy...nope, just felt like I had a permanent sleep over and with a bonus because all my stuff was there for me to play with :)  Heck, even getting my first credit card didn't even feel like it was that big of a deal. I am glad it hasn't been intimidating or more than I can handle, but I definitely can't wait for the day I realize I am an adult, I have responsibilities, I OWN my own life!
But I also know it's not always about how you feel, it's you, it's how you react and act, it's how you take the ownership and accomplish your achievements. I believe it's about standing up for what you believe, not being afraid of it, embracing who you really are! Sometimes that's the problem though, how to I embrace it if I don't know what "it" is? I might be almost there, I know a little more about myself and how I feel and how I present myself each day. There are just so much more uncertainties that I'd like to know now, before I make too many mistakes or big, life altering decisions.
Sometimes I can contemplate these things for hours and I always wonder does anyone else feel this way? Am I the only one as clueless as I feel? I'm the QUEEN of awkward moments so I'm more than positive I've presented this uneasiness or being so unsure plenty of times in the real world, but I feel I'm the only one who has. I never really expect to get these answers, and they're more rhetorical questions than anything, but sometimes it'd be nice to know there are others out there as clueless as me :)

My new laptop-best boyfriend ever!

So a while ago, and by "while" I mean probably 10 months ago, I got a terrible virus on my laptop, but not having too much money I decided I'd just make do with what I could do on my current computer, and maybe one day I could afford a new one. It was terrible though, my Internet would stop working at times, I'd have random pop-ups as I started it, it'd freeze way too often, and it'd make it's own tabs and pop them up over and over and over, the only way to stop it was to force shut down my computer, it even got to the point that my CD tray wouldn't open because it had been dropped on and shoved too far into the computer, to open it I had to use a knife or some other flat, but strong object.I hated it! After a while I just stopped caring if it accidentally fell or my cats were walking on it or it wasn't cleaned out. Well after MANY complaints to Larry he kind of let it slip that he'd be getting me a new one for our anniversary, which isn't till mid-October.
Now let me go back a month or so, I had been bugging and quite possibly on the verge of nagging him to surprise me and have something planned for the night every once in a while (I mostly do the planning because he's one of those "I don't care what we do as long as we're together" sorts-which I have come to love). Well a couple nights ago I just kind of gave up and said it didn't matter anymore to me, as long as we could do something together I didn't need something planned every night. Well I get home today, and I didn't have quite as good a day as I was really hoping so when I get home I'm surprised to see Larry's waiting at the bottom of the stairs-which he normally NEVER does unless he has something to surprise me with or he wants to scare me-and he tells me to go into our room, shut the door, and not come out till he says it's okay. I'm thinking "well isn't the ironic? I finally say I don't need a planned night and he's in the middle of something special probably!" So I go in the room and decide to surf the Internet until he's done with whatever he's got planned, lo and behold I'm VERY surprised to see him walk in with a brand new laptop. I almost didn't get it at first and thought he bought himself another computer! But then I realize this is MY surprise! I'm so giddy about getting a new, and SUPER nice new laptop! I cannot wait to see all the fun things I can do with it!! Apparently he ordered it really early and didn't know where he could put it till our anniversary so I get it early :)
Do I have the best boyfriend or what??