Final Post Partum Thoughts

So now that we are done having babies and we're both back to work and everything, I wanted to write down my final Postpartum thoughts:

• The newborn haze is AWFUL! I get this brain fog each time that just takes it out of me. I have a hard time thinking through my anxiety and talking myself down. This time around I think I had a bit of postpartum rage and the anxiety on top of it just made me really realize this has to be the last baby. I don't think I could mentally handle another one.
  
  
• Each baby really is different. Back when I was pregnant I kept making jokes to Larry that we had a brunette, blonde, and red head so the only way this one could be different is if they were a boy and it turned out to be true. But also he does things way different. His sleep is different, his soothing preferences are different, the things that calm him or work him up are different. He seemed to have problems with napping in a lit up room (he had to have complete darkness). Just sensory ways he was more sensitive than the girls.
  
  
• Formula shortages SUCK! I told myself (way back when I was pregnant and the shortage didn't exist) that if nursing was too difficult I wouldn't feel shame in switching to bottles. However, when the shortage hit and we were having a lot of difficulty finding the formula we usually use, I had a hard time convincing myself to stop nursing. We found cans of a similar formula and every time we went shopping I'd buy the limit they'd allow so we had a stock pile, but I just couldn't justify stopping nursing sooner than was necessary (I knew I'd stop once I went back to work for sure so I just felt I should suffer and hold out until that point). This was probably the hardest part for me. I had to go all 12 weeks putting Pierce down at night AND doing all night feedings. With the girls we'd get to a point where we'd switch off and Larry would put them down with a bottle and then he'd take Saturday nights so I could have one night off. But since I felt too stressed to switch to formula too soon I had to do it all and it also took it's toll on me. The shortage end is no where in sight, but we do have a good stock pile and I've been able to pump much more than usual so we should be good.
  
  
• Knowledge and reading internet forums can make you overthink WAY too much! With Lucy I stressed so much about her napping I started following some baby sleeper people on Instagram. I decided I should follow their stories while I was pregnant so I had as much helpful information by the time he was born. But then I felt I had too much information and I over thought every little thing with him. With Cara we just put her to sleep when she acted tired and walked away. With Pierce I stressed out if he stayed awake too long and if he didn't nap how it would effect his night time sleep. With Cara I would let her nap on me, next to me, in another room, whatever. With Pierce I stressed out if he slept on me he wouldn't know how to sleep off of me. Just everything that happened I freaked out about. I know I had some anxiety with Cara and Gwen, but with Lucy and Pierce I researched and read more and it made things SO much worse. I wish I hadn't known that stuff and could have just gone more with my instinct.
  
  
• Affirmations REALLY help though! I printed off a bunch and put them in a jar to have up in the bathroom and kitchen (where I felt I'd spend any free time). There were times I'd pull on that was JUST what I needed to read and hear. I wish I had done that with the last of my babies. I definitely want to keep with that for other moments in my life, not just new babies. I love having them around to keep in mind! I cannot recommend them enough.

As hard as it is, and as many lessons as I've learned each time, I'm SO glad we're done with this phase. I love my kids and as they get older they are amazing humans and I look back at their baby times as wonderful times, but I do not want to do this and I look forward to moving to the next phase (have I mentioned that enough times? Haha).