Pumping - My Ultimate Love/Hate Relationship!

Okay all, time for me to be brutally honest about something. I absolutely HATE pumping!! But then, I also love it. It's so confusing.

I hate how much time it consumes, I hate that I'm literally chained to a desk/counter/nightstand/whatever my pump is on, I hate how stressful it was in the beginning and how I'd have to miss out on precious sleep and if you skip a session or two it could effect if you can continue on, and I HATE that I have to miss out on time with Cara just so I can go upstairs to pump or we have to be back from certain activities at a certain time so I can do it OR that I HAVE to stay up till a certain time or be up at a certain (early) time (on weekends!) lest my boobs remind me why that's a bad idea to ignore that! It just really gets in the way.

That being said, I do love that I can continue to give what's considered* "best" for Cara, I love that it kind of gives me alone time (and an excuse to catch up on Teen Mom or watch Netflix, whichever I'm feeling), I kind of love that it feels like "me time" when I hardly get that anymore. And I love seeing my body do this really crazy thing!

It has seriously been the ultimate love/hate relationship. There have been SO many times I've wanted to give up and throw in the towel. I didn't because we discussed early on I'd nurse/pump for AT LEAST 6 months, but aim for a year. When nursing didn't work out we agreed I'd at least pump for 6 months and stop at that point since I wanted to be done done by the time we went to Hawaii - no pumping on vacation THAT'S for sure! I cried many tears over the course of these almost 4 months because I hated it; I mean we know she can have formula and she likes formula and sleeps so much better with formula, why do I need to endure this torture??

But then Larry reminds me why I should push past the hard times and continue. I also remind myself 6 months (in the grand scheme of my whole life) really isn't a long time, it's a blip really, and it's a sacrifice I should be willing to make (sacrifice to my body AND to my sleep really haha). And after reading more about breastfeeding I've decided I think I'll continue this way for any future kids we may have since they can have this AND formula and we both can help feed them (I'm sure Larry just LOVES that idea haha)...I'll just have to really prepare myself in the future for what I'm about to get myself into again.

So there's my story, I wish I could decide for sure how I feel about this. I was so excited about the fact that this last weekend I bought all the rest of the storage bags I should need for my pumping "journey". But I also think I'll be a little sad once I'm done because that's just that little bit of me time that's gone...I'll probably celebrate by playing with Cara and getting her to laugh and smile a lot during what would normally be time away from her...Or I'll go to bed early/sleep in a little, I can't decide just yet, haha!


*I say considered because that's what I've heard about a lot (Breast is Best they say), but really I will continue believing that fed is best as long as the baby is healthy!

Cascade Springs

So Marie (Larry's mom) sent a text over and invited us to meet up with them to do a picnic up a canyon one of these weekends. I thought it sounded like so much fun and was hopeful that Cara would love doing a picnic (even though it was a little different than I imagined).

When we found a weekend that worked for all 4 of us she recommended going up to Cascade Springs. I had never been, but the pictures online made it look really pretty. She was even kind enough to bring up basically all the food too (we brought chips, but she got us Subway, fruits/veggies, drinks, and chocolate chip pumpkin cookies...because she's thoughtful like that).

The food was so good (I'm LOVING Subway these days) and once we finished we re-applied sunscreen/bug spray and walked around the trails. Even though it was Cara's nap time Larry decided to carry her in the carrier (it was paved enough that we could've kept her in the car seat and stroller) and even though I expected her to throw a fit, she seemed to love looking at the nature that was around her. I LOVE that!

She loved looking at the trees and she seemed like she wanted to touch some of them (she's still working on grabbing stuff she sees) and I loved seeing her experience all of this around her and see her get so curious about the things around her. As a bonus she even smiled a ton at Marie (she's such a happy baby)! I also got some really good shots of the trail and bridges we went over. It was a nice, peaceful walk, I'm so glad she recommended it. I can't wait to take Cara back up one day when she's a little older and can walk on her own.

We Have A Roller?

Maybe?


I mean, she knew how to roll over on Friday (in fact she did it 4 times throughout the day), but now she just chomps on her fist instead...what is with that?

But anyways...

Larry text me while I was at work to say she rolled over (just from tummy to back so far) and I kind of teared up because I missed a big thing, but he sent me a video of it and I was so excited. I couldn't wait to rush home to play with her and get her to do it for me. And she did! I got mine on video too (because Larry's was so blurry on my phone). So here's her being a good roller:



But as I stated, she hasn't done it since. Though, to be fair, when I get home she usually wants a nap, then she wakes up in time to eat, and then I like to wait for her to digest the bottle a bit before I put her on her tummy and by that point she wants to get ready for bed so she's too fussy. Maybe this weekend I can try it again with her. It's funny I feel like she used to be awake too much and didn't nap enough, but now I wish she'd stay awake a little longer so she wasn't either fussy for food or a nap and would show us a rollover again!

I love this little girl of ours!

As a side note, I've noticed she is working on trying to roll from back to front now, she just has that dang arm in the way

Cara is THREE Months

I am THREE months old!

 

 

I like: When my parents play with my feet, going for "walks" around the house with mom (before she went back to work), having "conversations" with daddy (mommy loves those as well), being held in a standing or sitting position (she barely needs neck support anymore), when mom and dad make vowel sounds, zebras (it's probably too early for a favorite animal, but she lights up every time she sees ANY zebra), anything that is yellow, pretending to read Daddy's funny shirts, and grabbing toys on my activity mat.

 

I really like sleeping...so chill during nap time

I dislike: The nose sucker once mom gets a booger (if there's nothing in there she doesn't care about it haha), tummy time that isn't on the boppy pillow, and being hungry (like at all! Haha), taking long naps (apparently!)

 

I am now: We didn't have a 3 month dr appointment and I forgot to do an unofficial weight and height check in time. All that aside, Cara is now in strictly 3 month clothes (no 0-3 months for this girl) and size 1 diapers (but closing in onto size 2 now). She's getting so big and is at such a fun stage right now.

Almost big enough for the walker

I really like the zebra on my swing

A Typical Day looks like: Cara will wake up between 7:30 and 8:30 (depending on how much we fed her at her last nightly feeding), we'll feed/burp/change/play with her for about an hour and a half and then she'll take a nap. Some days that's a 2 hour nap, but more often than not she'll make it an hour. If she wakes up after 2 hours she'll eat/burp/change/play for another hour and a half and it starts that way until around 4 (if she doesn't wake up after 2 hours it's kind of a guessing game with her at that point). We get back from our walk to the mail box at that point so even if she's tired she'll fight taking a nap until around 5 or 6 and then take a little 30 minute cat nap. Then we start getting ready for bed around 7:30. She'll fall asleep around 8 and we will watch a movie in the bedroom with her in the bassinet. Sundays and Wednesdays she gets a big bath and then the other nights she just gets wiped down baths before bed. She seems to not mind bathtime anymore either so that makes it fun.

 

This Month I: started grabbing at toys if my hand just happens to fall near it, I have started to giggle, said goodbye to mom as she returned to work (sad face!!), and am doing SO good keeping my head up during tummy time, although if you lay me flat I will just bury my face in the mat and cry (which is the least fun thing ever haha). I do good with standing and sitting upright and love to give smiles all the time, even if I'm around new people! I also went on my first hike with my parents (see this post for that

Her First 4th of July...she seems concerned
By what's going on in the fish tank Haha

Rolls for days...but that smile melts me

 

Parent's Notes: Leaving Cara to go to work was hard, but Larry has been amazing so far at making sure she gets enough play time and nap time while still working (although I'm getting extreme mommy guilt for having him split his time even though we knew that was how it was going to be). We both look forward to when Cara is a little older and will play with toys or sit up on her own (I think that'll be a little easier). I actually look forward to when she's more mobile (I know I may regret saying that when the time comes though) and we can put her in an activity chair or her walker (or something so she can move, but not get into too much trouble).

Mommy and me nap time...Doesn't happen
Too often, but it was nice still.

Our First Family Hike

 

Update on last month's goals:

• I have done good with either working out 3 days a week or my two days and then we do some sort of physical activity on Saturday. I don't wear the belly binder anymore
• We did work on Sensations a little with feeling and smelling (she seems intrigued with both so far), tummy time we've upped and she's SO good at it on a pillow (still working on a flat surface, which is scary since her legs are strong she tries to roll over all the time), and she is getting very close and purposely grabbing toys when she wants them...but only on her activity mats. If we hold a toy in front of her she couldn't care less about it.
• We would go on walks to the mailbox as often as possible and on days I did my workouts I usually got my goal, but this one could still be worked on a bit more.
• We figured out how she sleeps and naps, but since I've been back to work it's shifted and so we need to stay patient with that stuff.
• She's definitely a smiley baby still! Those are still my favorite moments with her. I miss seeing her smile and playing with her during the day.

Goals for next month:

• Figure out a good nighttime feeding schedule. Larry always wants to resort to the binkie before giving in and feeding her to see if she'll sleep. I'm feeling anxious about introducing more binkie time (I REALLY don't want it to be a hassle when we get rid of that thing). The cats have been waking her up earlier in the mornings too, so we need to get that to stop.
• Adjust to both of us working. It's been hard not being able to play with her as much. I have to remind myself almost hourly why this is okay. Mom guilt is real!
• Get ready for her to be 4 months (we were given the go-ahead for solids at 4 months by her pediatrician so I'm REALLY excited for that!)
• DON'T skip out on workouts...turns out that makes me VERY emotional. So I need to keep up with that (though to be fair, I only skipped once because I didn't feel like it. The other times were for other reasons like plans came up)