Pumping - My Ultimate Love/Hate Relationship!

Okay all, time for me to be brutally honest about something. I absolutely HATE pumping!! But then, I also love it. It's so confusing.

I hate how much time it consumes, I hate that I'm literally chained to a desk/counter/nightstand/whatever my pump is on, I hate how stressful it was in the beginning and how I'd have to miss out on precious sleep and if you skip a session or two it could effect if you can continue on, and I HATE that I have to miss out on time with Cara just so I can go upstairs to pump or we have to be back from certain activities at a certain time so I can do it OR that I HAVE to stay up till a certain time or be up at a certain (early) time (on weekends!) lest my boobs remind me why that's a bad idea to ignore that! It just really gets in the way.

That being said, I do love that I can continue to give what's considered* "best" for Cara, I love that it kind of gives me alone time (and an excuse to catch up on Teen Mom or watch Netflix, whichever I'm feeling), I kind of love that it feels like "me time" when I hardly get that anymore. And I love seeing my body do this really crazy thing!

It has seriously been the ultimate love/hate relationship. There have been SO many times I've wanted to give up and throw in the towel. I didn't because we discussed early on I'd nurse/pump for AT LEAST 6 months, but aim for a year. When nursing didn't work out we agreed I'd at least pump for 6 months and stop at that point since I wanted to be done done by the time we went to Hawaii - no pumping on vacation THAT'S for sure! I cried many tears over the course of these almost 4 months because I hated it; I mean we know she can have formula and she likes formula and sleeps so much better with formula, why do I need to endure this torture??

But then Larry reminds me why I should push past the hard times and continue. I also remind myself 6 months (in the grand scheme of my whole life) really isn't a long time, it's a blip really, and it's a sacrifice I should be willing to make (sacrifice to my body AND to my sleep really haha). And after reading more about breastfeeding I've decided I think I'll continue this way for any future kids we may have since they can have this AND formula and we both can help feed them (I'm sure Larry just LOVES that idea haha)...I'll just have to really prepare myself in the future for what I'm about to get myself into again.

So there's my story, I wish I could decide for sure how I feel about this. I was so excited about the fact that this last weekend I bought all the rest of the storage bags I should need for my pumping "journey". But I also think I'll be a little sad once I'm done because that's just that little bit of me time that's gone...I'll probably celebrate by playing with Cara and getting her to laugh and smile a lot during what would normally be time away from her...Or I'll go to bed early/sleep in a little, I can't decide just yet, haha!


*I say considered because that's what I've heard about a lot (Breast is Best they say), but really I will continue believing that fed is best as long as the baby is healthy!