RIP Grandma

Saying goodbye to my Grandma was so much more difficult than I thought it would be. When she was diagnosed with Dementia we knew what that meant: her time was now limited, but also we had our chance to spend time with her before that and make memories we needed and to say our goodbye when it got close to the end. I thought that meant it would be easier. Unfortunately, she also lost her ability to speak because she also had Aphasia (with a dollop of Parkinson's mixed in), which made it much more difficult.

While she was going downhill, we still had fun with her. I remember many moments laughing and being silly with her. I do remember telling her on a few occasions how great of a grandma she has been (I know she appreciated it). One thing I'm very grateful for is she never seemed confused by me. It wasn't like she knew exactly who I was, but I'd walk in and say "hi, Grandma!" and I think that helped her. She also lit up every time she saw my kids.

While we took advantage of the days we had and the moments we had, she definitely got worse and worse each time we saw her and that became harder and harder. She ended up having to be put into a memory care center back in January, where we found out she was a bit of a bully and would hit the other residents (one of her issues was reflections would freak her out for some reason so she'd end up sneaking into their rooms and see their mirrors...hers was fogged so she didn't have the issue in her room). Back at the end of April she freaked one of the residents out and they pushed her and she fell and broke her hip. It was a tiny little fracture so it just needed minimal surgery. I went and visited her in the hospital and she was definitely a bit goofy, but mostly okay and like her (new) usual self.

To go back to her memory care center, at the beginning of May, they put her on hospice, which meant she'd be bed ridden and they'd bring hospice nurses in to check on her throughout the day. They also mentioned she probably only had weeks to live at this point (because typically when dementia residents break a hip they tend to only have a few more weeks left). None of us loved this news or that she'd be stuck to the bed so mom reached out to see if she could have some physical therapist come in to at least get her into a wheelchair to move her about. The Saturday after she was put back she was back in her wheelchair and moved to the common area to visit. The pictures of her, she was SO happy! We really, truly believed she was going to be with us for quite a while. 

Fast forward just two weeks, and she was GONE! Mom called me on the 18th (I don't remember why anymore) and I could hear Grandma in the background making a weird sound. Mom said she was acting like an elephant and like she was a brain trauma victim. Mom said she knew she was definitely slipping and going quickly. I was in complete disbelief, it didn't feel real that she'd really be gone this quickly, she was so happy just a couple weeks prior.

Mom called me Monday night (it was so late I missed the call, but realized Tuesday morning what it was) to say she had passed. The timing was pretty awful since this was right before our Disney trip. Luckily, Mom, Cindy, and Tanny all agreed to push the funeral till we got back (which I was so appreciative of). Unfortunately, our trip was so great and it became pretty awful to come back and start our Summer Break with a funeral. I thought I had taken advantage of our time to say goodbye, but knowing she's gone now is just so surreal and unnatural feeling. I kept crying the whole funeral, more than I thought I would. But it's now over and we can close that chapter. It's heartbreaking, but I know she would have HATED being that way and having people see her that way. She's in such a better place now and I'm so happy she has that peace now.

A letter my Papa wrote about marrying my
Grandma. Just the sweetest find!

My letter to my Grandma:

My grandma was the type of person that if something needed to be done, she got it done (cleaning, shopping, yard work...she had an amazing garden!). I'll always remember her calling down to papa for his clothes to be ironed meant we had to pick a side of the house to be until she was done. I was convinced, for longer than I'd like to admit, that irons jumped off ironing boards like all the time!

She was a great supporter. I always loved coming to her and Papa to tell them my wins and they'd always be so happy for me. Always encouraging me to do my best and they helped me develop my sense of pride in my work.

I don't think anyone will ever forget how much she loved ending the night with having her hair played with or her feet or back rubbed. We always had to watch out if we took the chair behind her.

She's the reason I love Raisin Nut Bran (and that my kids love it too), the reason I will never look at a York Peppermint patty the same way, ever again, the reason I love movies (because her and Papa always had the ultimate collection), the reason I always leave food out for stray cats, and the reason I'll always do a big Christmas!

She loved my kids so much. Up until the end, they always brought her smiles and I'm so glad she got a chance to meet them and be a part of their lives for a small time. My kids even mentioned last week how they liked that she wanted to hold hands and give hugs.

I'm glad I got a chance to spend time with her before she left, I never felt like she forgot met, and I will cherish that I had my moments to tell her how she meant to me. AS much as I hate that this sort of disease too her, I will be grateful I got my chance to say bye in my way.

I love you, Grandma and I'll never forget the time we had!