RIP Baby Girl

Well the day I've been dreading since getting our cats has come. We've had to say goodbye to one of them and it's just as heartbreaking as I thought.

So on Sunday, Larry mentioned she was acting a little sick. I noticed she had been getting pretty skinny the past few months and when that happened to Oscar I made sure to give him lots of extra loves and he seemed to bounce back so I had been doing that with her for a while to see if it could help. She was doing good until this last weekend. We weren't sure what it was, but we did what we could to get her to eat and drink water. We noticed she was pretty thirsty and wanted to drink a lot, but wouldn't eat. Larry and my mom assured me that was good, they NEED water, but can go a couple days without eating so I was feeling positive as long as we got some food in her. By Monday Larry was having to force feed her with a syringe. She had stopped purring and was having accidents. I was feeling pretty sure this was her last week so we just needed to do what we could to make her feel better.

She hardly ever came up to cuddle with me
When I worked, I had to document it.
I'm glad I did

I got really lucky on Tuesday, it was the finale of "This Is Us" so I told Larry my plan was to start it while I was putting Pierce down to bed and I'd finish it downstairs and if he got up I'd just go up and finish it with him. I just knew I wanted to watch it live. Luckily he stayed down once I got him asleep and I was able to watch it downstairs. I made sure to grab Baby Girl and have her come cuddle on me because I knew if this was her time I would be so sad if I didn't get all the cuddles I could get. She was in pretty bad shape, but I had hoped that getting the cuddles would help a little bit.

I'm SO grateful I got these last snuggles!
You can see how different she looks in the face

Wednesday she wasn't any better and my heart was breaking so bad. She was eating and drinking less and less, getting so much skinnier, and having more accidents. I was so hopeful the cuddles would help, but it just wasn't enough. I'm not sure I've cried more in my life. Even though part of me was thinking it's okay if it's her time. We weren't going to make that decision for her and we've had a great life with her and she's had it so cozy and we just needed to do anything we could to make her feel loved and comfortable. Before I put Pierce to bed, I went to give her loves in the front room. I cried and told her what a good girl she is and has been. How much I have loved her and how much I'll miss her when she's gone. I made sure to only focus on the good, but told her if she was ready to go I would be okay with that. I could tell in her eyes she was just about gone, but I saw her make eye contact with me so I felt comforted that she understood my words.

This was taken Wednesday night before we
Put the kids to bed

Thursday morning I got Pierce up and went downstairs to see Larry at his desk. I asked him if she passed and noticed he was crying with her on his lap. He said she hadn't, but she was just about there. I asked how he knew and he told me to just look at her. She didn't look like the baby girl I remember, she looked like a rabid, wild animal and she was just gasping for breath every other minute. I put Pierce down, cried my eyes out and grabbed her to hold her one last time. She gasped a couple times in my arms while I pet her and just loved on her. I eventually had to pass her back to Larry where she took her last breath. I sent a text to my mom about her passing and she called me. I just lost it on the phone. It oddly felt good to just cry the hardest cry I've cried and just say how sad I was. 

One of the last pictures we got of her

We spent the day yesterday just off and on crying talking about our memories with her and what we'll miss and the happy moments we had. Larry dug a good sized hole in our back yard and we said our final good byes. As heart broken as I am I have to mention a silly moment with Gwen. She obviously doesn't know about death and what it really means and she's had the most insensitive comments, but they make me laugh because she doesn't realize how insensitive they are. As we were burying her I said something about how she was such a good kitty and Gwen immediately said "yeah, but now she's a dead kitty!" I have to laugh because if anyone else said it I'd be so angry at them, but she's just so precious you can't be mad haha. I'm thankful for those silly moments we have amidst this hard time. 

I can still feel her sandpaper tongue kisses
I'll miss those SO much

I know she's in a better place and I know she couldn't live forever and I always knew she'd be the first to go. I know we were lucky to have her and she was so loved and she loved us. But I'll always miss how soft she was, how she would purr the second you looked at her (she loved loves!), her sandpaper kisses and how she'd very loudly purr-meow when she had a toy. She was the first to let the girls pet her and she did so well with them. She was a huge cuddler and lap kitty and was so silly when she was in a playful mood. She was the prettiest kitty I've ever had as well.

So to my sweet baby girl. I'll miss you and love you forever. I hope you feel so much better and I'm thankful for the last few days you've given us to say our good byes. Please know there will always be a furry, baby girl shaped hole in our heart.