So I really, really try not to post anything negative on the blog. Not necessarily because I want to fake being happy or anything, but because this is for my memories and I don't want to look back on only bad ones or think "why did I whine so much?!" when re-reading any posts, but today SUCKED! I thought it was a good day, I mean work seemed like it was just the same so it didn't feel any different or like it might be bad...but it was! I feel like I just need to vent a little. I mean there is a great chance I'll probably end up deleting this post later when all this cools down, but I need to get it out of me now!
Lets say I should've had a big clue today was going to be bad when I woke up and was literally disappointed to realize it wasn't Friday today, it was still Thursday. I still had 2 whole work days to get through before I get to go to my dress fitting-which I've been looking forward to all week!
Then it went a little more down hill when I realized I only got ONE thing done at work today. we have a lot of tasks for a Thursday because it's supposed to be a little easier, but we had SO many checks to scan that it's literally all we did (minus a meeting in the middle of the day) ALL day long! I felt so unaccomplished and very anti-productive! I didn't eat healthy, I haven't worked out since our lovely run on Sunday, I just didn't do anything good. I thought there was some good news when I found out one of my last tax forms I needed to file would be available to print off today so I thought "yay! I'll be able to file my taxes early and see what I'm getting back tonight!" Which made me super happy because we decided my taxes would pay for our honeymoon so I was happy to get a chance to book it soon! Fat chance that was-HA!
At one point I had to go to the bathroom and noticed something I thought was worrisome (I'll save anyone reading this from my TMI moment, but know that it was an abnormality that worried me) so as soon as I got back to my desk I called my Dr. to leave the nurse a message. Once she called me back and I explained what happened she mentioned I needed to get an Ultrasound/MRI done on my uterus...okay back story here: back in 2005 I passed out at work and had to have an MRI done on my brain to see what happened, long story short they found a cyst on my brain and I needed to go back the following year to see if it was growing or anything, so that means in 2006 I had another MRI done on my brain. Then in 2011 I started seeing a urologist and he did a scope in my uterus and thought he saw a growth (I'm pretty sure his exact words were "hmm...that doesn't look good, we need to get a more in depth look at that" Um...not what you want to hear!) so he sent me to another hospital to have an MRI done on my uterus. Now, 2 years later, I need to do it again?! I just wish my body would cooperate like normal! The uterus scares the daylights out of me because I worry it is an indicator I can't have kids (or at least get pregnant), I don't even like to think of that happening or being a possibility to consider!
I was so frustrated with hearing this and finding a hospital to do the imaging (which I HAVE to get done by Tuesday or else I have to wait 2 weeks!) was harder than it should have been, so by the time I got home I just kept crying over being so frustrated and irrationally afraid. I mean, I'm sure I'm fine, but what if I'm not? I really don't want to plan this whole wedding knowing something is wrong with me! I don't want to see people around me happy and living like nothing is wrong when I know there is. Just ugh!
Then to top it all off, I go to file my taxes and some things I didn't have the right tax forms so I had to guess and it showed I wasn't getting NEARLY what I was expecting back, not even 1/4 of what I got back last year. I decided not to officially file and I'm going to work on getting the exact forms I need and I'm going to try H&R Block again to see if they can help me more. I don't know what I'll do if I can't get what I need to at least book our honeymoon...that was my saving grace today and now it's gone!
Yeah...today S.U.C.K.E.D!!! Can it be Saturday so I can see my wedding dress already?! Please let tomorrow be a little better!
No comments:
Post a Comment